She loves him, right now

Everyone keeps wanting to know how Little is adjusting to Blue.

Does she like him? Is she a big help? Is she jealous?

And to be completely honest, she's been great. In fact, she's done better than I expected.

She is a tremendous help. She helps make bottles, feeds Blue, burps Blue. If we need something, she is more than willing to get it. She's precious.

There's been no jealousy. Occasionally, I heard some baby talk sneak in to her conversations with me. And there have been the few times when she cries like her brother. But nothing, I mean nothing, like what could have been.

She is constantly wanting to touch him, kiss him, hold his hand, and get in his face. He's getting a little more mobile now, you know, with his neck and head.

And frankly speaking, some days he is not feeling like putting up with it. But she is persistent.

And you can just see the desperation in his eyes.

I'm sure enjoying these days.

Because we all know what is coming next.


"Mommmmm!!"


"She's touching me!"



"He's playing with my toys!"



"She won't get out of my room!"



"He's looking at me!"

Christmas in February

Not really. You're just hearing about our Christmas in February.


I had big plans for Blue at his first Christmas. He had other plans.

And when there is another child involved, the show had to go on.

Santa ate Little's homemade cookies and drank all of the milk. Her expression is priceless.

Enjoying her loot.

But finally, Blue had to be removed from his bed, even if his eyes are still closed. There had to be photo of him with family interaction.

You like?

I changed up the blog design. 

Every time, I do this I end up feeling defeated.  This is something similar to having my hair cut into a new style.

Can you relate?  You start out with excitement, because you know it's time for a change, but by the end of it, you realize that you've gotten in over your head. 

But I just blew through it.  The blog, not my hair.

I realize that the banner looks as if it should hold three pictures.  You should know that is when the defeat started creeping up on me. 

I say "looks as if it should hold three pictures,"  because I tried.  I really did. 

And so I thought, I can remedy this.  I'll just center the new title over the picture frames. 

And defeat sent me packing.

A letter to my sixteen year old self

A dear friend of mine, who I have known literally since birth, writes a wonderful blog. A few weeks ago, she posted a letter she wrote to herself at sixteen. To read more about the concept and her letter, you may find it here.

http://flowersandkittens.blogspot.com/2012/01/letter-to-my-sixteen-year-old-self.html

After reading it, I thought, "Now that's an idea." After thinking about what I would say to myself nearly fifteen years ago, I realized there is no way I would post it.

If you can imagine or if you knew me at sixteen, I don't want to be that transparent. Yikes!

But after seriously considering it, I came to the realization, for my kids sake, that I should do it.

Be warned.



Mollye,

I understand that times and circumstances are not what you think they should be, but you need to accept that this is the hand that you have been dealt. Don't worry. Things are unfolding at a delicate pace, so that when the time comes, the One who has been trying to get your attention will receive the glory. Your testimony will be awesome, and yes, you will give it.

So let me address a few particulars with you. I'm going to ask that you read until the end. And I'm thinking that its a good thing this is a letter, because you will not be able to interrupt or argue.

It can be a great thing how opinionated you are, but you are not there yet. Right now, you are extremely critical. Critical of yourself. Critical of others. These things are not for you to judge. And it's important that you understand that some things are none of your business and have nothing to do with you, even if you are told differently.

That being said, you should be kinder to everyone, especially those who you don't consider your friends. Years later, when you see people you were not particularly friendly to, you are going to be ashamed and will find yourself compelled to tell them you are not the same person you were in high school. You are missing out on some great people.

Great friends are better in quality than quantity. Not everyone who you think is your friend truly is. And some people are your friends for all the wrong reasons. You know this already, but chose to ignore it. Enjoy those who enjoy you for you, not for who they think you are.

You've got a lot to learn, so stop acting like you know everything. You're sixteen, not sixty. If you are not learning, your losing. And history is more important than you think.

That boy that broke your heart, get over him. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache if you simply appreciate the boy that's standing in front of your face. You can't really think that he's playing hooky from school to watch movies with you since you're sick just because he's a friend. He's head over heals, and you're ridiculous for not realizing.

Get out of the tanning bed. It's not that important. Not now. Not ever.

And while this probably seems like a lot of things are "wrong" with you, nothing is. You're like most other girls your age. Except that your different. And that's okay.

King

Apparently, the only camera I own is the one on my phone, because that is the only way I'm taking pictures these days.

It's really inconvenient for me to run and grab my nice camera for those special moments, especially when I can just snap these pictures with my phone.

Picture quality and clarity are over-rated. At least that's what I'm telling myself right now.

Now, look at my precious Little and Blue.

The Lion King. I bet we have watched it 672 times since she received it for Christmas. I think it goes without saying that my bed is no longer my bed.

Blue thinks he's the new king of the jungle.

And this had to be snapped in a hurry.

My sweet thing makes me work hard for those smiles.

Blue was worn out. All those birthday parties in the month of January were too much.

Now pardon me while I go permanently attach my camera to my body.

A love letter to Husband

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world

Is on your case

I could offer you

A warm embrace

To make you feel my love

Dearest Husband,

Honestly, when I look back at where we've been, I think what were we thinking.

And I'm not even talking about my hair. (Move along, people. Nothing to see here.)

We thought we could survive anything. We would be different. We would make it.


But we hadn't been through anything. There was little to survive. Nothing to make us different. Who doesn't make it when its easy? When its simple?

A lot has changed since then.

I can now say that we are surviving. We've gone through things that some people never do. And at our age, we've been through things we thought we had time before we would face.

When the evening shadows

And the stars appear

And there is no - one there

To dry your tears

I could hold you

For a million years

To make you feel my love

We've been to dark places, but we were together.

We've been scared, uncertain, and extremely weak, but not at the same time.

When one of us struggled, the other found enough strength for us both.

When one stumbled, the other broke the fall.

I'd go hungry

I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling

Down the avenue

Know there's nothing

That I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

In those times, we realized how important we were. Those times inevitably brought us closer. Gave us a new appreciation for one another.

I could make you happy

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends

Of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

It's important to appreciate the tragedies along the way. To recognize where we were and know where we're going. To remember that those times don't define us. They mold us.


Adele Make You Feel My Love lyrics in italics

Straight from the Devil

There are a few things that you come across in life that should be direct indicators that Satan is trying to jump on your back.

1. Dieting
2. Speeding tickets
3. Husband forgetting to take the trash out
4. The colic

I distinctly remember telling people that Little could not have been too far from the colic. I'd like to withdraw that remark.

Blue has/had the colic. We are finally getting to the point now where we can smile at each other.

When we went to the pediatrician, he asked how things were going.

Well,...

Umm,...

It's not.....uh,.....we are failing as parents.

He asked if we were there inquiring about the return policy. I sighed in relief, because yes, that was exactly why I was there.

Well, more like the lay-away program. We'll come back for him. You just call us when he's better. Okay?

Pediatrician wanted to change some things around. Try some medicines. Give us another chance.

Well, there was some improvement for about two days, then back to the same routine.

Hello colic and reflux.

That medicine, he still spits up. That 34 dollar formula, it's a rip off. That colic, we're getting over it.

Turns out the best treatment for colic is time. It gets better. The baby does like you. In the end, neither you nor the baby are crying.

And when there is a slight improvement, you can look back at the things along the way that you forgot to laugh at.

During a particularly fussy day, I had finally gotten Blue settled after an all morning crying spell. He was resting comfortably in his car seat, because the car seat or swing is where you put a baby with reflux. I sat down on the couch, trying to fight back the tears while enjoying the quiet. Then it happened. After about 5 minutes, Blue let loose screaming. Little said, "Oh, no. Not again."

Another difficult day, Blue was so upset that I couldn't soothe him. I'm telling you he would not let up. Just as calm as could be, Little picks up the telephone, puts it to her ear, and says, "Hello, Ambulance. Can you come get Brother, pleeeeease?"

The birthing story.....

It's been a long time since I blogged, and I have so much to tell you. We've got a lot of catching up to do.

Let's rewind to, um, November. Yikes. November! I'm sure some of have been waiting for all the details surrounding Blue's arrival.

Blue was scheduled to arrive on Tuesday, November, 29. Everything was planned so perfectly. Little would rise and shine early, so she could go to the hospital with us. My mom would come early to take care of Little while I am being prepped. All the other family would arrive. Everyone would be there for the birth. Everything planned, which you know is extremely important.

So why is it that I go into labor on Monday, November, 28? Can you answer that one for me?? I'm the mama, and the baby is suppose to come on the 29th. I can bring my bag. Have a camera. Husband can be with me. I could have shaved my legs.

That's right. Unshaved legs. We all know how hard it is to bend over to shave all the way down to the ankle, so I was going to wait until Tuesday morning. Jokes on me.

On my way to work, I begin to have contractions. I have been contracting on and off since Thanksgiving Day. Nothing that stayed regular. No worries. But that morning, for a good hour or so, I was having contractions 15 minutes apart. Husband did not have his truck at work, so I called him.

Me: "If I needed you, could you get to me?"

Husband: "Why? What's going on?"

Me: "I'm having contractions. It's probably nothing, but I just wanted you to know."

He would never admit this, but I'm sure in the back of his mind (and he may have even verbalized it to his co-workers when we got off the phone) he thought "yeah, right". I'm sure he thought since I didn't go into labor with Little that it would be impossible for me to go into labor with Blue. He thought that because that is what I thought, too.

As the morning progressed, contractions were, again, on and off, but they were different. They were getting stronger. My back was starting to hurt. So after lunch (that's right), I decided it was time to call the doctor. In my own words, "Just to get checked out before heading home." Jokes on me again.

The doctor sends me to the hospital to get hooked up on the monitor, because he said it's the only real way he can know what's going on.

I get to the hospital, alone. Get hooked up to the monitor, alone. The nurse asked me a million questions, and with pregnancy brain, I have to answer all the questions, alone. After a while, the nurse exits the room and leaves me, alone.

After a while, the nurse reenters the room. "Where's your husband?"

Me: "He's on his way."

RN: "What time do you think he will get here?"

Me: "He will be here by five."

That's all she says. She leaves me alone again.

What I did not tell her is Husband had to go all the way home to get his truck, and since he was going, I made him finish packing my bag. Honestly, five may be pushing it.

At some point, she comes back in. Casually announces that I'm having this baby today, and informs me that the doc is going to wait on my husband.

I asked if I was having contractions. She informed me that those contractions I thought were 15 minutes apart were actually 3-5 minutes apart.

And, I turned into Paul Revere on that midnight ride (History is not my best subject, so if I'm wrong about this one, just go with it.).

The baby is coming. The baby is coming! THE BABY IS COMING!! THE!! BABY!! IS!! COMING!!!!!

And I am still alone.

To make a really long story just a long story, Husband got tired of me calling to see where he was at and how much longer. What he couldn't understand is that everyone was constantly asking me those questions.

When he finally makes it to the hospital, he walks in the door of my room, as they are wheeling me out, and they hand him scrubs to change in to.

We are both anxious, because this was not the plan.

And while we are waiting to hear that scream, the doctor calmly informs me that Blue has passed meconium in utero.

I lose it. I begin to cry, because I know how dangerous that is. I know what the side effects are. I know that this changes the playing field.

And that scream that I waited to hear was more like a rattled cry. That curtain that separates us from Blue is torture. My only means of comprehending his health is that sound of him not having enough breath to scream.

They kept reassuring me that he was okay.

Just as I began to believe them, the nurse brings him around the curtain.

He's gray. Not that pink color he is suppose to be.

Through my tears, all I can say about my precious Blue, is his color is bad.

They did let the family that was fortunate enough to make it in time see him, but they made a direct trip to the nursery.

The nursery nurse came to speak to me about Blue's condition. She said he required a lot of suctioning, and he was on oxygen. She said he would have to stay in the nursery for a while.

At 10:30 that night, for the first time in his life, I got to hold Blue, my pink and able to scream Blue.