I now have the margin

You may have wondered where I have been.

I've been wrestling.  I've been struggling.  I've been avoiding.  I've been so tormented by myself that when I tried to blog I couldn't.

I politely bowed out and disconnected from many, so I could process my feelings.  So I could listen more closely.  So I could pick up on subtle cues.

Let me take you back to when it all started.

As my maternity leave was ending, I began to prepare Little for my transition back to work.  She made the adjustment well.  We all did.

Yes, there were difficult mornings.  Yes, it's hard.

Husband and I realized rather quickly that one of us would have to find another job opportunity, because our current situation was not working well for anyone.

1.  My kids have to get up at 5:00 AM.

2.  Most mornings, they are in the car and on the road by 5:30, but always no later than 6.

3.  They spend around 11 hours with someone else.

4.  By the time, I get to them, most of the time, Blue is already asleep, and Little gets to see me for about an hour.

5.  We live for the weekends.

God has been slowly prepping us for a change, but He has been steadily applying pressure on my heart.  It's been almost unbearable for the past three weeks.

I recently read someone's thoughts on time.  She did not "have the margin" for the things that God wanted her to do.  Ultimately, she didn't have the margin for the things she wanted to do.

Oh, how I relate.  And I knew.

For the past several months, God had been telling me to pursue other avenues.  And I had ignored him.  In fact, I went against Him.  Until three weeks ago.

For the past three weeks, I've wrestled with Him.  And every time He would say, "My child, you know what you have to do," I would reply, "But, what if?"

And like any loving and nurturing father, He allowed me to talk at Him the entire time I should have been listening.  He remained even when I lashed out.

I'm stepping out in faith and allowing myself margin for the things that matter most.

For the blessings I have been given.

For the duties He bestowed to me.

 

I turned in my resignation yesterday.  In two weeks, I will be working solely with these two.