A love letter to Husband

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world

Is on your case

I could offer you

A warm embrace

To make you feel my love

Dearest Husband,

Honestly, when I look back at where we've been, I think what were we thinking.

And I'm not even talking about my hair. (Move along, people. Nothing to see here.)

We thought we could survive anything. We would be different. We would make it.


But we hadn't been through anything. There was little to survive. Nothing to make us different. Who doesn't make it when its easy? When its simple?

A lot has changed since then.

I can now say that we are surviving. We've gone through things that some people never do. And at our age, we've been through things we thought we had time before we would face.

When the evening shadows

And the stars appear

And there is no - one there

To dry your tears

I could hold you

For a million years

To make you feel my love

We've been to dark places, but we were together.

We've been scared, uncertain, and extremely weak, but not at the same time.

When one of us struggled, the other found enough strength for us both.

When one stumbled, the other broke the fall.

I'd go hungry

I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling

Down the avenue

Know there's nothing

That I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

In those times, we realized how important we were. Those times inevitably brought us closer. Gave us a new appreciation for one another.

I could make you happy

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends

Of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

It's important to appreciate the tragedies along the way. To recognize where we were and know where we're going. To remember that those times don't define us. They mold us.


Adele Make You Feel My Love lyrics in italics

Straight from the Devil

There are a few things that you come across in life that should be direct indicators that Satan is trying to jump on your back.

1. Dieting
2. Speeding tickets
3. Husband forgetting to take the trash out
4. The colic

I distinctly remember telling people that Little could not have been too far from the colic. I'd like to withdraw that remark.

Blue has/had the colic. We are finally getting to the point now where we can smile at each other.

When we went to the pediatrician, he asked how things were going.

Well,...

Umm,...

It's not.....uh,.....we are failing as parents.

He asked if we were there inquiring about the return policy. I sighed in relief, because yes, that was exactly why I was there.

Well, more like the lay-away program. We'll come back for him. You just call us when he's better. Okay?

Pediatrician wanted to change some things around. Try some medicines. Give us another chance.

Well, there was some improvement for about two days, then back to the same routine.

Hello colic and reflux.

That medicine, he still spits up. That 34 dollar formula, it's a rip off. That colic, we're getting over it.

Turns out the best treatment for colic is time. It gets better. The baby does like you. In the end, neither you nor the baby are crying.

And when there is a slight improvement, you can look back at the things along the way that you forgot to laugh at.

During a particularly fussy day, I had finally gotten Blue settled after an all morning crying spell. He was resting comfortably in his car seat, because the car seat or swing is where you put a baby with reflux. I sat down on the couch, trying to fight back the tears while enjoying the quiet. Then it happened. After about 5 minutes, Blue let loose screaming. Little said, "Oh, no. Not again."

Another difficult day, Blue was so upset that I couldn't soothe him. I'm telling you he would not let up. Just as calm as could be, Little picks up the telephone, puts it to her ear, and says, "Hello, Ambulance. Can you come get Brother, pleeeeease?"

The birthing story.....

It's been a long time since I blogged, and I have so much to tell you. We've got a lot of catching up to do.

Let's rewind to, um, November. Yikes. November! I'm sure some of have been waiting for all the details surrounding Blue's arrival.

Blue was scheduled to arrive on Tuesday, November, 29. Everything was planned so perfectly. Little would rise and shine early, so she could go to the hospital with us. My mom would come early to take care of Little while I am being prepped. All the other family would arrive. Everyone would be there for the birth. Everything planned, which you know is extremely important.

So why is it that I go into labor on Monday, November, 28? Can you answer that one for me?? I'm the mama, and the baby is suppose to come on the 29th. I can bring my bag. Have a camera. Husband can be with me. I could have shaved my legs.

That's right. Unshaved legs. We all know how hard it is to bend over to shave all the way down to the ankle, so I was going to wait until Tuesday morning. Jokes on me.

On my way to work, I begin to have contractions. I have been contracting on and off since Thanksgiving Day. Nothing that stayed regular. No worries. But that morning, for a good hour or so, I was having contractions 15 minutes apart. Husband did not have his truck at work, so I called him.

Me: "If I needed you, could you get to me?"

Husband: "Why? What's going on?"

Me: "I'm having contractions. It's probably nothing, but I just wanted you to know."

He would never admit this, but I'm sure in the back of his mind (and he may have even verbalized it to his co-workers when we got off the phone) he thought "yeah, right". I'm sure he thought since I didn't go into labor with Little that it would be impossible for me to go into labor with Blue. He thought that because that is what I thought, too.

As the morning progressed, contractions were, again, on and off, but they were different. They were getting stronger. My back was starting to hurt. So after lunch (that's right), I decided it was time to call the doctor. In my own words, "Just to get checked out before heading home." Jokes on me again.

The doctor sends me to the hospital to get hooked up on the monitor, because he said it's the only real way he can know what's going on.

I get to the hospital, alone. Get hooked up to the monitor, alone. The nurse asked me a million questions, and with pregnancy brain, I have to answer all the questions, alone. After a while, the nurse exits the room and leaves me, alone.

After a while, the nurse reenters the room. "Where's your husband?"

Me: "He's on his way."

RN: "What time do you think he will get here?"

Me: "He will be here by five."

That's all she says. She leaves me alone again.

What I did not tell her is Husband had to go all the way home to get his truck, and since he was going, I made him finish packing my bag. Honestly, five may be pushing it.

At some point, she comes back in. Casually announces that I'm having this baby today, and informs me that the doc is going to wait on my husband.

I asked if I was having contractions. She informed me that those contractions I thought were 15 minutes apart were actually 3-5 minutes apart.

And, I turned into Paul Revere on that midnight ride (History is not my best subject, so if I'm wrong about this one, just go with it.).

The baby is coming. The baby is coming! THE BABY IS COMING!! THE!! BABY!! IS!! COMING!!!!!

And I am still alone.

To make a really long story just a long story, Husband got tired of me calling to see where he was at and how much longer. What he couldn't understand is that everyone was constantly asking me those questions.

When he finally makes it to the hospital, he walks in the door of my room, as they are wheeling me out, and they hand him scrubs to change in to.

We are both anxious, because this was not the plan.

And while we are waiting to hear that scream, the doctor calmly informs me that Blue has passed meconium in utero.

I lose it. I begin to cry, because I know how dangerous that is. I know what the side effects are. I know that this changes the playing field.

And that scream that I waited to hear was more like a rattled cry. That curtain that separates us from Blue is torture. My only means of comprehending his health is that sound of him not having enough breath to scream.

They kept reassuring me that he was okay.

Just as I began to believe them, the nurse brings him around the curtain.

He's gray. Not that pink color he is suppose to be.

Through my tears, all I can say about my precious Blue, is his color is bad.

They did let the family that was fortunate enough to make it in time see him, but they made a direct trip to the nursery.

The nursery nurse came to speak to me about Blue's condition. She said he required a lot of suctioning, and he was on oxygen. She said he would have to stay in the nursery for a while.

At 10:30 that night, for the first time in his life, I got to hold Blue, my pink and able to scream Blue.

I've been busy!!!

Well, I was suppose to have Blue on November 29, but on the 28th, he decided to make his arrival.
You wouldn't think a difference in arrival of about 18 hours is a big difference, but I assure you it is. We were completely caught off gaurd by the beginning stages of labor and the pressure from the hospital staff for Husband to hurry his arrival.
Blue weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces and was 19 inches long.
He's already a Mommy's boy, but he definately keeps Daddy convinced they are on the same team. And Little is a great big sister that loves to help and love on Blue.

I'm MIA

I have no idea where I have been.

I've been taking pictures. I've been nesting. However, I have not been on the blog.

I'm entirely too pregnant to do anything but breathe, and these days, even that may be too much.

We are anxiously awaiting Blue's arrival, which will not be long now. I still can't say that I am ready, but I know I really am.

Blog posts will probably slow. And I will update as often as I can.

Stay tuned. I'm sure to have some Little tales for you.

Growth

My pastor was out of town this past Sunday and asked me to provide the message.

Do what?

You have got to be kidding me.

In actuality, God has been preparing me for the last few weeks to talk about an extremely trying time in our lives. I knew when it happened that it would be something that could be a used for God's glory. To turn darkness into light. To be a message to others.

So, I did something completely not of me. I did not prepare.

No notes.

No practice attempts.

No other preparation than prayer and Bible study.

I told the congregation that I wanted the message to be about Him, not me. I knew that if I prepared, if I made notes, if I practiced what I would say, it would be more of me and less of Him.

That wasn't what I was going for.

To be honest, I did not even really know the extent of the content that I would cover.

Would I talk about my mother-in-law? Would I talk about angel babies? Would I talk about the night that turned our world upside down? I didn't know.

But He gave me the words. He gave me the message. He gave me the ability to allow others to see what they needed to see.

I didn't choose my life. I would not have chosen some things for me. But I'm exactly where God wants me to be.

It's those times when we cling to Him the hardest, and more than likely those are the times we would choose to be elsewhere, that we grow the most spiritually. Those times are good for us.

Halloween

It's only November 7th, and I'm posting Halloween pictures.

I'm pregnant, and it's all I can do to stay awake and breathe. Give me a break.

We went to the church and decorated pumpkins.



Little wanted a purple pumpkin.




This is the finished product. Needless to say, we didn't win an award, but Little was so excited for what she helped create.

By the way, does anyone know how long pumpkins are good for? As of right now, we still can not throw away her pumpkin. Maybe Santa can take it to the North Pole.



She also got her face painted. Amazing how still she can sit when someone is holding her head and painting her face. Let somebody in a uniform try that. Not happening. Ever.

We dressed up as Tinkerbell.



Thank goodness it was cold, because Tinkerbell's costume was skimpy.


This weekend, we hung out with some of our favorite people. Here's the pics from the night.







Good times.