I now have the margin

You may have wondered where I have been.

I've been wrestling.  I've been struggling.  I've been avoiding.  I've been so tormented by myself that when I tried to blog I couldn't.

I politely bowed out and disconnected from many, so I could process my feelings.  So I could listen more closely.  So I could pick up on subtle cues.

Let me take you back to when it all started.

As my maternity leave was ending, I began to prepare Little for my transition back to work.  She made the adjustment well.  We all did.

Yes, there were difficult mornings.  Yes, it's hard.

Husband and I realized rather quickly that one of us would have to find another job opportunity, because our current situation was not working well for anyone.

1.  My kids have to get up at 5:00 AM.

2.  Most mornings, they are in the car and on the road by 5:30, but always no later than 6.

3.  They spend around 11 hours with someone else.

4.  By the time, I get to them, most of the time, Blue is already asleep, and Little gets to see me for about an hour.

5.  We live for the weekends.

God has been slowly prepping us for a change, but He has been steadily applying pressure on my heart.  It's been almost unbearable for the past three weeks.

I recently read someone's thoughts on time.  She did not "have the margin" for the things that God wanted her to do.  Ultimately, she didn't have the margin for the things she wanted to do.

Oh, how I relate.  And I knew.

For the past several months, God had been telling me to pursue other avenues.  And I had ignored him.  In fact, I went against Him.  Until three weeks ago.

For the past three weeks, I've wrestled with Him.  And every time He would say, "My child, you know what you have to do," I would reply, "But, what if?"

And like any loving and nurturing father, He allowed me to talk at Him the entire time I should have been listening.  He remained even when I lashed out.

I'm stepping out in faith and allowing myself margin for the things that matter most.

For the blessings I have been given.

For the duties He bestowed to me.

 

I turned in my resignation yesterday.  In two weeks, I will be working solely with these two.

Nine

Yesterday was mine and Husband's nine year anniversary.

Nine.

As in, one, two, three, four, five, kid, six, seven, eight, kid, nine.

Whew.

Well, it beats the alternative

I just had my, uh-hem, 31st birthday.  I chose to take the following stance on birthdays:  Having another birthday beats the alternative.

Now, my cake was no comparison to Little's birthday cake this year.  However, the older one gets, the less cake one requires.  It's probably due to a non-existent metabolism.

This cake is from some of my co-workers.  I have the same birthday as a co-worker.  I assure you it was a misprint.  It should say "Sexy Lady," referring to her.  (See above reference to metabolism.)

(And now that I look at the picture, I really shouldn't have covered my name up.  You know my name.  Go ahead and sign me up for the home.  I'll be the one eating the checkers.)

Additionally, Little and Husband made me a funfetti cake with funfetti icing.  She ended up convincing me to put a candle on the cake.  But somehow, she got to blow out the candle.  What?  Wait.  So it's not my birthday?  I'm now convinced that I am still 30.

In an effort to boost my metabolism, I am determined to do a 5K this spring/summer.  I have decided if I announce it, then maybe I will be accountable and actually do it.  As for right now, I am running a 12 minute mile on the treadmill, which is about the equivalent of walking at a speed of 2.5 mph on pavement.  I have a long way to go.  At about 2 1/2 miles, it's all I can do to finish.  But I do finish, despite how good I look  being a quitter.

(Settle down.  5Ks are so ten years ago.  These days everyone wants to do a marathon or a half-marathon, which those runners use their fancy lingo and just call a "half."  Maybe a should look for a half-5K.)

About this whole 5K thing, the way I am choosing to see it is signing up to do one, actually starting one, and finishing one beats the alternative.

You can remind me of this when I finish last in my age group with a time of 74:36 minutes.

All over the place

Be warned.  This post is going to be all over the place.

First of all, I haven't blogged in a while, because I am so mad at Blogger right now.  Sometime last week, they slipped in some message about updating to something, and since I am used to performing the same key strokes and mouse clicks, before I realized it I had chosen the upgrade.

Well, then Blogger wasn't compatible with my current Google something.  Therefore, I couldn't blog.  So I had to install Google Chrome, whatever that is.

And now, I can't get on the blog from Internet Explorer.  I have to blog from Google Chrome.

I can't figure out how to restore anything to when things made sense, so I boycotted.

Boy, I was really showing them by not blogging.

In other news, yesterday was Leap Day of Leap Year.  I've decided that I officially dislike Leap Day, because it was a day of complications and the unusual.  So from today forth, I will be going by the correct time and day.   Sans Leap Year.

(Because every fourth year is not an entire 24 hours longer.  Each year is truly 6 hours longer.  And whoever decided that it would just be easier to simply add a day on the fourth year.  Whatever.  And when I was in school Pluto was a planet.  So apparently some people aren't as smart as everyone once thought; however, they are smarter than me, but they are still wrong.)

And this would be my birthday month, and Little mentioned something about me needing a Phineas and Ferb cake.  And she finished the conversation off with "That sounds like a good idea."  Next, she'll have me making goody bags for my birthday.

Just to add to the randomness and to support my stance on Leap Day, Little streaked through the fellowship hall at church last night.

I think I'll just leave it at that.

She loves him, right now

Everyone keeps wanting to know how Little is adjusting to Blue.

Does she like him? Is she a big help? Is she jealous?

And to be completely honest, she's been great. In fact, she's done better than I expected.

She is a tremendous help. She helps make bottles, feeds Blue, burps Blue. If we need something, she is more than willing to get it. She's precious.

There's been no jealousy. Occasionally, I heard some baby talk sneak in to her conversations with me. And there have been the few times when she cries like her brother. But nothing, I mean nothing, like what could have been.

She is constantly wanting to touch him, kiss him, hold his hand, and get in his face. He's getting a little more mobile now, you know, with his neck and head.

And frankly speaking, some days he is not feeling like putting up with it. But she is persistent.

And you can just see the desperation in his eyes.

I'm sure enjoying these days.

Because we all know what is coming next.


"Mommmmm!!"


"She's touching me!"



"He's playing with my toys!"



"She won't get out of my room!"



"He's looking at me!"

Christmas in February

Not really. You're just hearing about our Christmas in February.


I had big plans for Blue at his first Christmas. He had other plans.

And when there is another child involved, the show had to go on.

Santa ate Little's homemade cookies and drank all of the milk. Her expression is priceless.

Enjoying her loot.

But finally, Blue had to be removed from his bed, even if his eyes are still closed. There had to be photo of him with family interaction.

You like?

I changed up the blog design. 

Every time, I do this I end up feeling defeated.  This is something similar to having my hair cut into a new style.

Can you relate?  You start out with excitement, because you know it's time for a change, but by the end of it, you realize that you've gotten in over your head. 

But I just blew through it.  The blog, not my hair.

I realize that the banner looks as if it should hold three pictures.  You should know that is when the defeat started creeping up on me. 

I say "looks as if it should hold three pictures,"  because I tried.  I really did. 

And so I thought, I can remedy this.  I'll just center the new title over the picture frames. 

And defeat sent me packing.